To my Dad

 

Father God, I come to You and ask that this would help someone over a big mountain in their lives. I pray that the Spirit of God would move even through my own personal testimony of something I endured and that the Spirit of God would bring much comfort to the heart of many “somebodies.” I truly believe You can do this and I thank You in Jesus Name.

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.” – Psalm 116:15 (KJV)

 

I’ve waited to write this because, well honestly, I suppose now is just the right time.  It’s 4:15 AM January 26th, 2018. I just had a dream that I was in some sort of airplane and I saw some people I knew and for some reason I saw a preacher that was “big” but I treated him like a regular person because after-all, we are all one and came from one going to One. I was actually walking being kind with a person who wasn’t that nice to me for various reasons and for various reasons unknown. Forgiveness was true, liberating and satisfying.  However, in the plane I kept walking and I ran into a group of people and I said, “I will walk through this whole plane and tell people about Jesus, I’m not scared.” They followed me. I kept somehow seeing expanding areas and I saw my father three times. I thought immediately “they just look like him.” However, one did but I knew for sure it wasn’t. Sometimes, if you tell someone you lost someone, they evidently (not all of course) “try to become your father figure” and this person couldn’t walk at all. Nobody can “replace” a person you lost, but God will always give you somebody somehow to care for you, as if that person was still loving and caring for you, even if it is temporal.

 

I suppose I say that to say this, cherish the people you love. Many people know that I struggled for years with my mother taking care of him. I would have late night ER visits, like around this time in the morning, numerous doctor’s appointments, saw him on life support (made a few promises) in that moment. It’s been said the patient now can actually hear you on life support and I actually grabbed his hand in the process and he squeezed back. Interesting. I find it funny that there are three events that have taken place or will take place where I am going to say “man, I wish my Dad could see this.” In the back of my mind I think about that, with various people, but since he just died its as if now it’s just him. I mean truthfully, at least one I guarantee he wanted me to do “this” more than anything. I actually don’t want to do it not for attention, but just because it doesn’t feel right without seeing him seeing me do it. However, it would be wrong for me not to knowing that he would love to see it. A loved one who passed away would never want you to experience a loss of your own life because they are gone. So, keep living, live more now than ever, on purpose, for Jesus if you haven’t started.

 

There’s also the downside of taking care of someone, the fear. Yea, nobody talks about that and I rarely do. I never knew if I walked downstairs if I would see my father had passed away in his sleep. I checked a few times but after a few times you get numb. This is the danger. The numbness of nothingness.  It’s not that I stopped going to doctors appointments, ER visits, hospital visits (which became increasingly more frequent near the end of his life), hospice visits, etc. I merely stopped talking to him and spending quality time with him. He saw a few things that made him proud of me before he passed though.  After you hear “I don’t know if recovery is possible” from certain doctors, perhaps probably all of them” you just get to a point where you say “I have to back up because I don’t want to be hurt. I have to guard myself.” You become selfish, not by desire, but because of protecting you. Sometimes it happens when you don’t even know it, it just sort of “kicks in.” Don’t blame yourself for that, if that’s you. It’s a natural thing. Sure, I have moments where I remember being young and doing certain things. Of course.  However, I let the numbness and fear of finding out “he wont recover” build a wall of self-protection. I know that this is merely a defense mechanism, but I realize now that a defense mechanism isn’t always the best thing. It’s true I won’t be able to talk to him anymore, on this side of the Earth, but I will later. Right now, I have my heavenly father to talk to and that’s alright with me.

 

Near the end of the dream I ended up in a part of the “plane” where I saw a place and the people walking with me said “oh, we aren’t supposed to go in there.” I went in alone. There were so many people sick and I knew it was serious sicknesses. I looked and it’s as if a Doctor was about to say, “you shouldn’t be here.” He didn’t, I just knew to walk out. I stood at the door as I felt the camera on me and just prayed. I walked out the door and woke up. Here I am in my prayer room writing this. I don’t know the situations behind peoples lives, sick or not. The truth of the matter is this, there are many people who made mistakes in life and maybe you didn’t have “this” or “that,” but you have people. What does money, a promotion, a Church, a car, a business, etc. mean without seeing, loving, visiting, calling and caring for people? What does it REALLY mean to you? I would give up everything and be homeless for-ever to see my father again, to have the conversations we didn’t have. That’s a form of guilt, I understand that. That’s apart of the healing process, I understand that. I also understand many people have a guilt complex, “oh, I wasn’t there” or “I didn’t do or say this.” That the false imprisonment of Satan that will drive you insane. It doesn’t matter how bad or indifferent, love and forgive regardless. One day they may need you or you may need them. If you have a loved one that’s alive today or maybe you just lost one, if you have a chance, talk to another or a friend and say, “I love you.” Sometimes the alive ones just want a call and desire to reconcile their issues with you, they just don’t know how to say it, but without opening the door to conversation, you won’t know. Sometimes you need that, even if it is scary.

I would also like to thank those who prayed for my family through the whole thing. I appreciate it. We appreciate it and more than us, God does. Whatever we do for one, we have done for Him.

“The king will answer them, 'I can guarantee this truth: Whatever you did for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:40 (Gods Word)

 

I know for many it may seem irrelevant to your moment right now and that is O-K. Remember that, it is OK to accept things as hard. Nobody is a super Christian, you are not designed to be, but I will give you His Word. That’s what I do, so here is your promise.

 

“This body that decays must be changed into a body that cannot decay. This mortal body must be changed into a body that will live forever. When this body that decays is changed into a body that cannot decay, and this mortal body is changed into a body that will live forever, then the teaching of Scripture will come true: "Death is turned into victory! Death, where is your victory? Death, where is your sting?" Sin gives death its sting, and God's standards give sin its power. Thank God that he gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. So, then, brothers and sisters, don't let anyone move you off the foundation of your faith. Always excel in the work you do for the Lord. You know that the hard work you do for the Lord is not pointless.” – 1 Corinthians 15:53-58 (Gods Word)

 

Oh, by the way, share the Gospel with those who you know don’t know Jesus. It’s uncomfortable, I know, but God will give you the grace and strength. You can do it. Don’t let Satan make you feel like you can’t go public and just ask questions and share the message of Jesus and Eternal Life. You can do it, trust me, God will help. Remember, “the work you do for THE LORD is NOT pointless.”

 

Father God, I pray and offer my hidden feelings to bring out someone else’s feelings without them vocalizing them to the point where they can cry, relate, nearly relate or have related. I ask You Lord God that You bring them out of pits of depression, un-forgiveness towards people in their life, and even towards themselves. I pray LORD God who is sovereign and knows what You are doing to bring out a greater level of trust, love and understanding of You to the person. I pray God that You take our emotions which can go up and down towards situations or people and stabilize them right now and I pray that if a person needs a counselor or psychologist that they are sent to the right one and they don’t feel ashamed. Lord, more importantly I pray that You become who You promised to be in the Bible, the Comforter and the Wonderful Counselor. I thank You, my life is yours. Let it shine for You in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3 (Gods Word)

 

To my earthly father, Robert (Bob) Sikes Lovvorn, I tip my hat to you for enduring suffering for many years. Thank you for an example and teaching lesson that you didn’t know you were teaching. I love you.

Sunrise: March 8th 1950

Sunset: March 23rd 2017